Chapter Two: Society
Building a Compassionate Society
Social Power Dynamics
The desire to dominate and the willingness to submit drive our society. Power relationships focused on personal gain shape almost everything around us - in workplaces, schools, public spaces, and even in our personal relationships.
In workplaces, power shows up in who:
Makes decisions versus who must explain their actions
Has time respected versus ignored
Gets their ideas taken seriously
Schools treat students differently based on their background, looks, and who they know. In healthcare, power affects waiting times, quality of care, and whether doctors take patients' symptoms seriously.
We see these patterns in everyday life too. When a man and woman take a taxi together, the man often opens the door and answers the driver's questions. At community meetings, some complaints get quick attention while others are ignored. In social gatherings, a few people usually do most of the talking.
Even personal interactions show these patterns. At family gatherings, power affects who decides schedules, what food to serve, and who can discipline children. Friend groups develop unspoken rules about timing, activities, and handling differences. Service workers treat people differently based on quick judgments about their status. Taller people and those with deeper voices and lighter skin often hold more power.
These power dynamics work in several key ways:
Attention and Recognition
Whose input gets immediate consideration
Whose presence demands acknowledgment
Whose needs receive quick attention
Time and Schedule Control
Whose schedule affects group decisions
Who can make others wait without consequences
Whose lateness gets excused
Space and Territory
Whose comfort comes first
Who must move aside
Whose space gets respected
Behavioral Standards
Whose actions face scrutiny versus acceptance
Who sets the unwritten rules
Whose style influences others
Resource Access
Who gets first access to limited resources
Whose special requests get accommodated
Who controls shared resources
Voice and Influence
Whose opinions shape group decisions
Who must be careful when giving feedback
Whose complaints get attention
These patterns continue because of how we're raised, how institutions are set up, and how we internalize these hierarchies. While specific forms vary across cultures, the basic dynamics of domination and submission remain surprisingly consistent.
To create real change, we need to address both structural inequalities and how we interact with each other daily. Solutions must work at multiple levels—policies, group processes, and individual behaviors—while recognizing how deeply rooted existing power structures are.
Pathways to Mutual Empowerment
A basic truth guides our work to create a more just and caring world: everyone has equal worth. We're all part of the human family. Our differences matter less than what we share in common. We have many identities, but being human matters most. In today's connected world, working together is more important than ever.
The Power of Community Support
"It takes a village to raise a child"—this African saying captures an important truth about human growth. Children do best when surrounded by caring people—parents, family members, teachers, neighbors, and community members—who help them and their caregivers. This idea works for all parts of society, not just for raising children.
Practical Ways to Create Change
Several approaches can help make structures fairer and build better relationships:
Better Communication
Nonviolent communication helps people point out specific problems without putting others down. Loretta Ross suggests "calling in"—speaking with compassion instead of harsh judgment. Van Jones adds that activists should "confess more and profess less," creating room for real dialogue and understanding.
Democratic Institutions
We can rebuild institutions to support peer learning and mutual help. Schools can become places where:
Students learn from teachers while feeling free to question and develop their own ideas
Students receive support for their emotional development and well-being
Teachers help students build social skills and manage feelings in healthy ways
Families and staff make decisions together
Buildings serve as community centers for lifetime learning
All schools get the resources to maintain high standards
Faith communities and community centers can also practice democracy.
Working Together as Leaders
Instead of automatic, top-down authority, leaders can involve everyone working together. Organizations work better when people at all levels can hold leaders accountable. This approach includes:
Regular meetings where everyone affected can contribute
Hearing all sides of issues
Respectful questions and dialogue from all participants
Leaders actively seeking and listening to constructive criticism
Group members exercising leadership when they voice good ideas
Recognizing that good ideas can come from anyone, regardless of position
Balancing Individual and Community Needs
The individual and the community can support each other—they don't necessarily conflict. When others do well, we do well, and vice versa. This understanding creates equal relationships with:
Trust, caring, and respect
Give and take on both sides
Careful listening and honest expression
Conversations where everyone participates
Group discussions that welcome all voices
People learning from and supporting each other
Building Lasting Change
In "A Paradise Built in Hell," Rebecca Solnit notes that when people help each other during crises, the effects last even after the crisis ends. Groups practicing deep compassion can help build the foundation for meaningful social progress. Personal growth, mutual support, and community development work together to create positive change.
A network of support groups that follow these principles could form the foundation of a movement dedicated to comprehensive social improvement.
Making It Work
Several practical steps can help make these ideas real:
Schools, faith groups, and community centers can maximize peer learning and mutual support
Regular community meetings can address specific issues with all sides being heard
Mental health and substance abuse programs can rely more on peer support
Public spaces can become centers for lifelong learning
Organizations can create structures where members have real input
Groups can practice giving time to all voices
The goal is to build communities where people share core values and work steadily for greater democracy, fairness, and mutual respect. This commitment to working together, healthy competition, and compassion can help Americans "promote the general welfare," move toward "a more perfect union," and cooperate more fully with other nations who do the same.